Gently integrating our shadow-side

to be human is to have a shadow-side

A folk tale

There once was a little bird who became so frightened by her own shadow that she tried to fly away from it. She believed that if only she could leave it behind, she would then be happy. The little bird grew increasingly distressed as she saw that no matter how fast she flew, her shadow never once fell behind. Not able to give up, she flew faster and faster until finally she dropped dead of exhaustion!

What is our shadow-side?

To be human is to have a shadow-side. Therefore, we all have one. Our shadow-side is not some deep, dark pathology within us to be feared. Rather, as Jungian analyst, the late Robert Johnson argued: “Our shadow-side is simply those aspects of our self that we do not see or know.”

A framework of understanding

For a framework of understanding regarding the nature and intention of shadow-side integration see the resource: Walking the land . . . contemplatively exploring our inner landscape, discovering and integrating our shadow-side, towards: being the change we want to see in the world.

Grounding the practice of shadow-integration

As with all inner exploration, shadow-side integration is most effective when the practice is anchored by an experiential understanding that we each have thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without being totally identified with them. Any mindfulness practice that enables us to notice but not get caught by our present moment affective experience, is appropriate. One such mindfulness practice is sitting meditation as taught by Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron in The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Lovingkindness.

Shadow-side integration: a contemplative process of self-discovery

Shadow-side integration via a contemplative orientation involves each practitioner tenderly exploring their inner landscape through: discovering, expressing, discerning, integrating, and transforming present moment shadow-side aspects. Contemplative here involves two particular elements. The first element is: relinquishing the desire to control the process of self discovery. The second element is: attuning to inner wisdom's present moment stirrings toward new possibilities. Therefore, contemplative inner exploration does not involve an intense excavation of the inner landscape, rather inner exploration turns on becoming quiet enough to notice what is emerging into present moment conscious awareness.

In light of the above, a contemplative orientation involves an attitude of tender, nonjudgmental openness, curiosity, and lovingkindness. Without lovingkindness, the process can become too intense, leading towards self annihilation. Self annihilation is not the intention. Rather, the intention is that each practitioner is able to metaphorically: stand in their own ground, openheartedly.

A practice of shadow-side integration

Bearing in mind the contemplative process, shadow-side integration involves a two-step practice. The first step is: recognition. The second step is: tender inner exploration.

Step 1: Recognition

Projections are the entry point

If it is the nature of the shadow-side to remain hidden from our conscious view, how can we recognize aspects of it? According to Wilber et al:

“one intriguing feature of our shadow-side is that we often see those aspects of our self that we have split off, as irritating or brilliant traits in another person. . . where they frighten us, irritate us, depress us or turn into an obsession.”

So, it would seem that we project our shadow-side onto others; be they individuals, groups, or institutions.

Our projections also sit beneath our conscious view, so how may we recognize them? There are indicators that we are projecting our shadow-side. Indicators such as:

any time our reaction to a situation seems over the top, or, out of proportion
when we hear ourselves blame others for the choices we have made
reacting to someone or something for no particular reason
when we assume we know what another person is thinking, feeling, or why they are behaving in a certain manner
pronouncing generalized judgments on a particular situation
when we are irritated by the way someone else chooses to live their life, even when their choice has no bearing on us
when we idealize someone for their talents and accomplishments

We can experience the above indicators like a reactive hook within us. So, when we notice that inner sensation of being hooked, we can stop and ask ourselves, “hmm . . . could I be projecting something here?” Simply posing the question dissolves the inner hook sensation.

Call to mind an event . . .

In line with the indicators of shadow-side projection as listed above, call to mind a recent event where you experienced an inner hook reaction that was: over the top; blaming; pronouncing a generalized judgment; making assumptions; simply irritated by another person/s; in awe of someone. Describe the person, or, situation as vividly and detailed as possible. Do not hold back or censure your description of the disturbance. Describe the person or situation with as much detail as possible including your emotional reactions to them/it.

Once you have completed the description, take some slow, deep breaths and then gently ask yourself the open-ended question: “I wonder if any of this could be an aspect of my shadow projection?” It may feel offensive at first, so continue to allow the question to gently wash over you, all the while noticing what is happening within you. For example:

Are you noticing any changes in your body, e.g., tightening; heat/coldness; shutting down . . .
Are you noticing any changes in your emotions, e.g., sad, angry, stressed, fearful, anxiety, challenged . . .(there will probably be a combination of emotions)
Are you noticing any changes in your thoughts, e.g., are your thoughts judgmental, circling around and around . . .

**the first step of the process: recognition**

You will know you have unearthed a shadow-side aspect because even if there is sadness, or anger, or fear, or anxiousness, there will also be a bodily shift of release. It is as if the body is saying: “phew, I don’t have to carry this any more!”

Step 2. Tender inner exploration

Once we have allowed a present moment shadow-side aspect back into our conscious view, it then becomes an entry point for tender inner exploration in the following manner:

Letting be

As far as you are able . . .
Simply hold your present moment shadow-side aspect within the gentle light of lovingkindness. You may like to slowly breathe through it without seeking to deny/resist/change the experience in any way.

Gently deepening the experience

If and when you are ready . . .
Open-ended questions that may be helpful to ask of your present moment experience:"
Is this tapping into a particular area in my life?"
If this had a voice, what might it say to me?""
What could inner wisdom be inviting me to see, or see afresh, through this experience?"

Be patient and wait for insights and understandings to emerge. Do not try to manufacture anything. Simply wait for a response to arise and metaphorically try it on and see how it fits. Do not worry if there is no discernible response as yet. As poet Rilke urged:

“Simply pose the questions and live into the response.”

Resources

Ken Wilber et al, Integral Life Practice

Robert Johnson, Owning your own Shadow

David Richo, Shadow Dance

Pema Chödrön, The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Lovingkindness